Danny's not got a brand new bag
Thursday, 8:10 a.m. Getting ready to leave the house and start the frigid, two-and-a-half-mile walk to my office, I suddenly realize I don't have the bag I use to tote my pens, paints, and my journal. I feel my heart actually move in my chest and my eyes tear up.
A shot of adrenaline sizzles up my neck. It's not by my desk or next to the couch or hanging on the coat rack. I don't even look 'cause I know where it is.
Flashback
Wednesday 7:30 p.m. The annual MorningNews.Org holiday party is being held at Thady Con's Bar in Midtown. I strip off my coat, throw it on a pile on a bar stool and accept my first Dewars' and water. I sling my bag on to the floor, next to the bar rail, and then retrieve it to pull out gifts: copies of my new book, The Creative License, for my editors, Rosecrans and Andrew. As the crowd converges around the pristine copies of my book and the Highland's finest blended scotch courses down my gullet, my bag sinks back down into the dark on the floor.
Wednesday 9:30p.m. I yank my coat off the pile, wish everyone a good year, and, warmed by the conviviality of my colleagues and a reasonable amount of good cheer, sail out into the night and plunk myself in a cab. Obliviously bagless.
Flash forward
Thursday 9:30 a.m. A call to Rosecrans confirms my fears. The rest of the gang also left the bar last night without my bag.
9:32 a.m. I call Thady Con's. The bar opens at 11 but a man with a thick accent picks up the phone. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to understand my question and asks me to call back at 10.
9:34 a.m I reminisce to myself about my bag and its contents. It's made of olive canvas, with many pockets and a shoulder strap. Inside, there are about a dozen pens. Most of them are brown Faber-Castells, some Fs, some Ms, some Ss. There's even a B. A few, though I'm not sure which, I bought last summer at a pen store near Mussolini's former headquarters in Rome. There's a small bottle of brown ink with a wax stopper that my pal, Kane, brought me from Venice. It's in a snack sized Ziploc bag along with a pen holder and my favorite nib and a waterbrush filled with sepia Dr.Martin's transparent watercolor.
In the inner pocket, there's a mitten I found on the street a few weeks ago. It has a special flap that folds back to expose my fingers and then Velcros back into position, ideal for drawing outside in cold weather. The mitten was dirty and lying on the sidewalk but after a good wash it proved to be white and very comfy. There's also a copy of the 51st issue of Dan Price's Moonlight Chronicles, dog-eared from its third consecutive reading.
The most valuable object in the bag, at least to me, is my journal, Volume 46. I lost one earlier volume, I think it was #7, when it slid between the cushion and the arm rest of a window seat of an United flight to Chicago and for some reason didn't deplane with me. I'd neglected to write my name and number in it and we never saw each other again.
Volume 46 has been a good friend to me. I decided to do the whole thing only in shades of brown and black. It begins with a record of Chelsea art shows I've enjoyed, followed by several pages of drawings of dogs and tools. Then I began preparing pages before I drew on them, soaking and spattering them in Dr.Martin's colors, generally yellows, oranges and browns. There are drawings of my office, of a trip to a radio performance of King Kong, of a breakfast with my friend Steve, an egg sandwich, last weekend's Sketchcrawl, my visit to the Beerhorsts', some flowers I got from Julie and Bill, and various other things. I had not scanned any of the pages except for the few I posted here last week.
I have thought, and said, and written that what matters is not the product of art, but the process of making it. I've said that one might as well toss away every drawing you make, wipe your arse with it, give it to a stranger, as hang on to it like some sort of cherished totem. That what matters is the slow careful study of reality, the meditative calm that comes with drawing, the counting of one's blessings as one learns to appreciate the world around. And yet, here I am with thundering heart and sour stomach worrying about a little Canson watercolor book as if it were my second (or 46th) born. I love my journals, the rows of them on their shelves, flipping back through past ones, soothing their pages, brushing their hair.
What hypocrisy! Oh, shut up, I'm grieving.
10:01 am. I call the bar again and speak to Graham, He puts me on hold, roots around a bit, finally returning to tell me, in a lilting brogue, that he indeed has my bag. I tell him I'll drop by at lunch time to get it.
10:02 a.m. I ask myself," Should I bother to post this? Or should I get back to work?"
Addendum: Exciting conclusion
11:30 a.m. I duck out of the office and take the E train to Lexington Avenue. I walk down the street with my iPod blasting and up to the door of the bar. Suddenly, over the screech of MC5 I hear people yelling at me, "Don't go in!". I look around and saw that there were firemen and fire engines swarming up and down the block. One was stretching out a yellow line of tape. Someone else yells "The building could fall down at any minute.!" I back up and huddle with the Irish barmen and waitstaff, explaining that my bag is inside. They tell me that they were getting ready to open when someone noticed a huge crack running across the kitchen floor. Some construction workers around the corner, excavating a hole for a new building, had accidentally damaged the foundations of the old bar. Firemen run around turning off the gas and electricity, worried that the building could blow up.
Then a fireman comes out of the bar carrying two axes and my drawing bag and hands it to me.
I'm not sure if the bar will survive. But at least Volume 46 is safe.
------
P.S. On Saturday, we are heading to Mexico for a few days. Feliz Navidad!
A record of my exploration into all aspects of drawing, illustrated journaling, creativity, and the inspiring aspects of art. By the author of "Everyday Matters," "The Creative License", and "An Illustrated Life" and other books.
Comments
I'm so glad the bag was found! Oh the pain and joy of that sharp grief/relief cycle. In spite of process satisfaction, a lost volume is a hole in your life. Most of us have way too many such holes draining us, to casually blow off yet another one.
Posted by: Nita | December 15, 2005 10:53 AM
Oh, oh... I lost my pencil case in May at a gate at San Francisco Airport, went running off the plane to look for it with no luck.
I had my journal in my hand and my best pen in my pocket, though, through sheer fluke.
Congrats on being reunited...
Posted by: Pica | December 15, 2005 12:13 PM
What grace must sit upon your sholulders to have regained your bag!
Casting your work to the winds is not a bad idea. It is letting go for others to view, learn and grow themselves, but to be totally deprived of it yourself is a different story.
Fundementally you do let your art and thoughts go out into the world to be viewed by others. You present yourself and your work to the world through this website and your published works. This is good for you and good for me (and the world), yet it's the fundemental idea of letting it go as you let a child go out into the world to experience life. Emotionally we never let go of our children and our writings, thoughts, and sketches ARE our children.
Our desire to retain these 'objects' in our life is a link to our past, to our growth, and our process to attain growth. We must hold onto these for our own well being so we may look backwards at our path and reassure ourselves of our growth and history.
Bless you for being a guiding force in my life.
Kasandra S.
Posted by: GrannyKass | December 15, 2005 12:16 PM
Full Moon meets up with Pluto. Pluto takes us to hell and back- to face our fears and tears. Glad you found the bag, and what a journey it was!! I always enjoy your insights. Have a wonderful holiday.
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December 15, 2005 02:21 PM
This gets better and better. Jeez, maybe you have the beginning of screenplay. And you wondered whether to post....little did you know.
Posted by: David Kjellquist | December 15, 2005 02:39 PM
Be still my heart... I was doing fine (having read your upbeat attitude between the lines) until you got to the firemen telling you not to go into the building. I am so glad you retrieved your bag safely... I lost a journal and still wonder where it got to, and what the person thought of it who found it. I also wonder what the person thinks who found my daughter's camera in a taxi cab.
Thanks again.
Posted by: PainterWoman | December 15, 2005 03:09 PM
Thank goodness it was found and returned. You simply MUST illustrate the picaresque journey of the bag and its rescue. And share the results with us, of course.
I only lost one volume once, and it turned up merely misplaced at home. But I had quite an experience trying to explain to a restaurant hostess what it looked like: Um, blue and white acrylic paste paper, an open spine with blue stitching, lots of really strange drawings inside ...
Posted by: Karen Winters | December 15, 2005 03:25 PM
OMG!!! I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES AND IT STINKS! I AM SO GLAD YOU GOT YOUR BAG AND ESPECIALLY YOUR JOURNAL BACK!!!!!
To commiserate -- about 10 years ago I begin a second job at a science store in a popular mall. Christmas Eve someone snuck back into the employee area and stole my purse -- everything in it -- INCLUDING car keys (I lived 40 minutes from the mall and had to have my dh come get me!!). I lost check book, credit cards, keys to the house, car and office, extra set of contact lenses, medicines, etc. I was DEPRESSED! We got all the credit cards and locks changed, checks stopped -- but I was MOANING about the loss of my yearlong journal (a daytimer kind of thing that I wrote in DAILY!!). After about 2 weeks, I got a phone call from someone who found my insurance cards. When we inquired where that was found, she said it was in a park across from the mall. Following an unusual snowstorm for NC, my dear husband, unbeknownst to me, did a walk through the park hunting for anything that might belong to me. Would you believe, under a pile of snow, after 2 days of rain, under a bush -- he found my JOURNAL!! I lost only a few pages with water damage -- but I KNOW you KNOW the absolute RELIEF, JOY and ECSTACY of finding this 'friend.' Congrats on getting your journal back, Danny. I do share your feelings of relief and gratitude!
Posted by: Lin | December 15, 2005 03:42 PM
Holy Mowley!! You were so meant o have your bag back! Reminds me of a buddhist phrase though: "I love what comes; I love what goes". (I had to repeat that one alot after our house got flooded). Feliz Navidad!!~Sharon
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December 15, 2005 06:24 PM
Oh! I miss my bag!
We had our house broken into a few weeks ago and the thieves decided to use my backpack to take a chunk of our CD collection in. The CD's are being replaced... my very first ever moleskin on the other-hand probably won't ever return. I keep hoping they threw it out somewhere and someone will ring me, but after 3 weeks my hopes are fading.
I'm glad your sketchbook has a slightly better tale to tell.
Posted by: Michelle | December 15, 2005 06:54 PM
Unbelievable!! But, in my experiences in life, thats just how things go. Its, funny I talk always about the process but I lost my new moleskin or I thought I had last week and i scoured everywhere for it. I hate to lose art stuff and I have never lost a journal, sketchbook etc. although I have an artist friend who loses her sketchbooks regularly. Anyway I was hanging onto my seat as I listened to your story and Im so glad you found your bag. I must say at the end I though "oh this is too much you're making this up"
But just as i said thats how life goes.
Have a fun vacation.
CKP
Posted by: ckp | December 15, 2005 07:03 PM
I'm happy you have your bag back. That was a scary ending to your story.
Posted by: Brenda | December 15, 2005 08:17 PM
As I've always said, the fire fighters ALWAYS come through for us ;)
That's a heckuva saga, Danny!! Glad your book is safe and sound-I know the feeling!!!
**Happy Holidays-Kelly
Posted by: Kelly | December 15, 2005 08:41 PM
Danny...reading this experience, I knew exactly "that feeling" in your stomach, as it happened to me too...left my journal at an arena in Philly while attending a taping of Wheel O' Fortune. I had to wait over a weekend before someone answered at Lost and Found, and when they did, it was not there. But an hour later, the guy called me back and said it turned up...and he was even nice enough to mail it back to me! How sweet it is to get your hands on it again!
Posted by: Rita Cleary | December 15, 2005 08:58 PM
My heart squeezed up when I suspected what was coming - the lost bag. So glad you were reunited.
Posted by: DebL | December 15, 2005 09:45 PM
Give me a freaking heart attack Danny. You have experienced my worse fear; a sickening terror that someone will make off with my journal. Of course I have my name and address in big bold letters in and on it, and when asked if I am an artist, I reply - "No."
Posted by: Jan C. | December 15, 2005 10:17 PM
I'm so glad this tale has a happy ending. I gasped out loud when I started reading today's entry.
It was great meeting you and Jack at the museum although it was hard to settle down and sketch. My real sketch book was back here in MI. but I'll bring it for show and tell next time I come to NY.
Safe travels and happy holidays to you and your family.
Posted by: wendy | December 16, 2005 12:34 AM
The Worst nightmare ever...Danny!!!...I am the same with any lost art item.
It would drive me crazy to lose my journal. A fate worse than death. So delighted that your bag was found. Every pen and item enclosed a precious part of your ongoing journey. Your tale was one we can all relate to. Happy Holidays
Posted by: Carole Joy Brejcha | December 16, 2005 12:49 AM
Hi there, as you have been rewarded by finding yr prescious bag, would you reward me by sending to Italy yr new book (you were in the bar to give out free copies?) so why dont't you make me happy as well?? heheheh I'm cheeky, I know, but I'm a great fan, and as I live in Italy and cannot take part in yr meetings, I live on yr little sketches.Love you son, wife and dog! (I have 2)
Take care,
Un abbraccio,
Micaela
Posted by: micaela | December 16, 2005 03:35 AM
Oh I exactly know that feeling... my drama happened two year when I stepped out of the train, was walking to my house and realised..no!! with the feeling in my stomach..my viola is still on the lugageshelf! I started running to the station but off course the train was gone. Then I asked the conductor to call to the train. in my panic I named the wrong train: they couldn't find any viola there... then I realised oh...the wrong train! and gladly enough...they found it. Next day me calling to the station they stocked it...they couldn't find it! I called and called and finally they found it, in a bathtub!!!!! (I never knew they have bathtubs on a station...but apperantly they do...) I traveled to the city and I was so so happy to have my viola in my hands again....
with love,
emmy
Posted by: Emmy | December 16, 2005 04:19 AM
Danny,
I have been reading your blog for a while now (pushed me forward off my waiting stool to draw ANYTHING!) Have your new book in route to me from Amazon (had to go to B&N for a true look at it while I was waiting).
I am so glad your journal was saved! Some things just can't be replaced.
Thanks for the inspiration.
Tami
Posted by: Tami | December 16, 2005 11:18 AM
Danny, I am personally so glad you got your bag back - because I LOVE your story. You left me hanging on every word until the very very end -- what suspense. I've lost a couple of precious journals. They are irreplaceable, but you are absolutely right when you talk about the process of art being much more important than the product. Although I occasionally remember that I lost my journals, I don't dwell on them and the pang has become a little softer over the years. I've filled many more journals since then -- and remember to include my name in the front of every one! What a great story. I love your blog!
Maureen (aka RavenGrrl on blogspot and MontanaRaven on Flickr)
Posted by: Maureen | December 16, 2005 05:51 PM
What an exciting story!
I'm sure many, many people would feel the same way upon misplacing their bag. I practically live out of mine, using it to carry supplies and books around the house so I don't have to keep running to my desk when I need something.
I just picked up your new book today and plan to curl up and read -- right when I picked it up at the bookstore, I sat in the cafe and drew something I saw out the window -- for the first time!
You were certainly lucky to get your bag back after such an event! :)
Posted by: Kira | December 16, 2005 10:33 PM
Glad to hear you got your notebook back, your stories continue to inspire. Isn't it strange the attachment you can feel for a sketchbook? Have fun in Mexico!
Posted by: Mac | December 17, 2005 02:20 AM
Lost bag, grief-struck artist, burning building, hero fireman - only in Noo Yawk, baby, only in Noo Yawk!
P.S. Absolutely drooling over the new book. I had to get out of bed at midnight, find the journal, and draw - anything!
Posted by: Loretta | December 17, 2005 10:27 AM
Happy holidays!!!!
Posted by: G-Man | December 17, 2005 01:54 PM
Danny;
After I read this posting I made sure Elaine read it also. She immediately detected the source of your problem and why you forgot the bag. Her comment...You need to drink better scotch!
Posted by: David Kjellquist | December 17, 2005 04:28 PM
Danny, So glad you found the bag, It must of been awful those hours that passed without it. I also got your new book the other day, and since my fibermyalgia is acting up it's been wonderful to have something to read and your book I have not been able to put down. Wonderful, in some ways it feels like your just talking to me and helping me get rid of some of my fears or at best understanding them. Thank-you so much for this gift. I could not beleive that you lived in Pittsburgh. Where from? This is where am writting from now was born hear then left for lifes journey and have come back. Can't get used to the weather though to cold. At any rate have a wonderful Holiday. Much peace to you and yours.
Your Pittsburgh friend,
Linda
Posted by: Linda | December 17, 2005 06:12 PM
I'm so glad you got your bag back! I've experienced the pain of losing one, myself. I know I should be able to just "let it go"... but it had a lot of important stuff in it.
Posted by: Misa | December 17, 2005 06:31 PM
OMIGOD. That's more exciting than the time I got on a plane in a thunderstorm on the way home from Maine and left my journal at the check-in gate in the pressure and excitement of rushing. They had decided to take off early, so as to miss the worst of the storm, when I rememberd MY JOURNAL. Leaped up, raced back to the gate and snagged it, didn't CARE if I missed the plane!
And I am so glad you got #46 back, I know that sick feeling so well...
Posted by: Kate (Cathy) Johnson | December 18, 2005 12:44 PM
So glad you found your bag! I've lost a journal before, and it just feels like a huge hole in the heart.
This was a good story, with a happy ending. :)
Posted by: zee | December 19, 2005 09:40 PM
hello-
i havent been following your blog for very long, but my mother has. i got her your new book for christmas off of amazon.com, and as soon as it arrived, i decided to take a peek at the innards. it is sooo beautiful. i just may have to keep it for myself [ ha ha]. have you ever thought of making a calendar to add to your great repitoire?
Posted by: jennya | December 20, 2005 05:26 PM
Hey all,
Just wanted to let you know that I picked up your book for my mom today, Danny. Congratulations, it looks fantastic, and so many things to read through, I'm going to have to "borrow" it from her later =p but for now it will be a great christmas present. I must say I was somewhat surprised to see it on the main book rack when I walked into the Borders in Connecticut near my mom's. I just figured it might have been more hidden with the way most bookstores organize there books. If that's the way it is everywhere it looks like you'll have a big seller on your hands, so congrats again. I'm just glad I got it already, I wasn't expecting to pick one up until after new years.
Ciao,
Mac
Posted by: Mac | December 23, 2005 07:28 PM
I just drove through an hour and a half through an ice storm to buy your book - and BOY WAS IT WORTH it! i stayed up all night reading. fantastic work, a true inspiration. thank you for all of the wonderful ideas!
glad youve got your bag AND journal back!
Posted by: Hannah | December 24, 2005 01:04 PM
Wow!! What a day!! I'm glad you have your bag and journal. Feliz Navidad y Feliz Año Nuevo to you and all your family. I ordered your book....is my self-christmas present.
Posted by: natascha | December 27, 2005 11:10 AM
It sounds like you were most definitely meant to have that bag back in your possession. Glad this story had a happy ending (I hope the bar was OK too.)
Posted by: Swirly | December 28, 2005 10:43 AM
WOW, that story had me stressing... glad you successfully retrieved your beloved bag and art tools!
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January 4, 2006 04:35 PM
Ohmygoodness!!! What are the chances of *that* happening to the place where you left your bag? It's incredible. A really incredible story. I'm sure your bag is mighty relieved to be safe (as are you!). =) glad to know you're back together.
Posted by: u l a n | January 6, 2006 10:17 PM
My experience was similar. Well,not really.....
I lost a sketchbook and to cut a long story shor
I balanced it on the top of stack of paint cans whilst I matched a colour in a DIY store.
Over excited at having mixed the shade I wanted i shot off home without a care in the world.Sitting bolt upright at 3am etc etc.
This episode set me back a good while as sketchbooks are far more than sketchbooks,as you can testify...... you risked your life for yours!
Posted by: Amanda Goode | January 8, 2006 08:28 AM