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Sour grapes and bleeding hearts

November 3, 2004

 

hartichokes.jpg
At various points in my life, I have not gone with my gut. I have relied on my head exclusively. I am a good talker and so am able to construct rationales for most things and then press them hard enough so that those armed only with intuition are usually cowed into silence. Those voices usually include my own, that gentle inner voice that then stands back, shaking its head sadly, to watch with the rest for the fall out.
There was the job I took because it was a way out of a company I had ceased to like. I convinced myself that it would be a way to strengthen my experience in making television commercials, even if the commercials I�d be making may not be that great. After five months, I resigned. None of the twelve commercials I made in that time became a part of my show reel of work.
There are meals I've eaten, girls I've dated, clothes I've worn, words I've spoken, without attending the counsel of that part of me that says quietly, "Do your really mean this? Is this really a reflection of you? Or this just expedience, just a way of getting it done, an overly logical A connects to B connects to C sort of thing?"
A year ago, when Howard Dean seemed so thrilling, and then imploded, we looked around for a common sense solution. Kerry, the "war hero" couldn't possibly be accused of lilly-livered-liberal-doveishness. The man had killed, for Cripes' sake. Sure, he was opposed to lots of things I value. He voted for the war (he just did, folks) that I was marching against. He's against gun control and gay marriage and does the whole Catholic thing and is married to a rich Republican and has that mechanical way of speaking that actually made Gore (Gore!) seem spontaneous and fluid. But, he was the one they told us was "electable" so don�t fall into the usual hair splitting trap that always kneecaps Democrats and get with the program. So I gave money and followed every squeak and fart of the campaign and filled myself with buckets of bile and loathing even though I was completely uninspired the whole time. I never felt that hair rising on the back of my neck feeling I had when Clinton talked about the place called hope, when politics was about uplifting, selfless commitment that brought tears to these reptilian eyes.No MLK, no JFK, no FDR, no Jimmy Stewart as Mr Smith goes to Washington.
The Bushies feel that knee-weakening sense of purpose. The rest of us just threw in our lots with hatred and nihilism. Our strategy was the same as the neo-cons going into Baghdad. Kill the fucker and we'll worry about what to do later. All that matters is to destroy the enemy.
That's not a liberal impulse and we're not very good at it.
Now I look at the country I have adopted and think, "Why did I ever believe that my POV would be the same as the majority? I pride myself on being different, for fuck's sake." But most of all, why did I get so worked up about something I didn�t truly believe in? When will I learn that expediency never satisfies?
But what option was there? Dean? Nader? ...Gephardt? Better yet to realize that true passion and inspiration comes rarely in mainstream politics. There are so many other causes to which one can attach oneself and breathe real fire.
I'm done with politics for a good while. I have taken Josh Marshall and wonkette and The Note off my list of browser favorites. I have decided to go to sleep reading Graham Greene's The Heart of the Matter rather than watching CNN or Jon Stewart. I will spend my spare time not reading the Times' website but doing what I really get pleasure out of: Drawing in 04, folks. That's one issue I can readily cast my vote for.

Comments

The USA presidential elections are not 'politics' - they are corporate-funded, hate-fueled, power-clutching game-playing.

You're not done with politics - you're just done with bullshit.

Politics is working on a moral/ethical/spiritual gameplan for yourself and your community and then doing things in your daily life (because everyday matters :) ) and in your world to be the best you can be and to make life as good for those around you as you can. The PERSONAL is political...you are a profoundly political person, in the best senses of the word.

Don't stop now.

Same here!

I'm not over it yet eventhough I've felt for months that I would need to get there. You're right, there was no passion and many of us did just want to get rid of what we've put up with for four years. Once more feeling political passion for someone other than Jed Bartlett (and after last week I'm nearly over him) would be wonderful and I have some small hope for Hilary or Obama or maybe Puff Daddy- he can sure get out the vote. I could even feel a small thrill at the thought of John McCain. Last night I tried to draw something that represented the day for the daily entry. Couldn't do it. Ended up drawing a can of tomato paste. Between us we could make a good pasta sauce and let's face it, comfort food is required at a time like this.
Dana

Dear Danny - I've never written you before, but I have followed your blog for about a year now. I am an artist living in Colorado, making my own way, mostly alone in my studio. I'm busy with 2 children and work at carving out time for my art. You inspire me with your own stuggles, creatively and otherwise. Thank you for your post today. I have come to the same conclusion and it was so nice to hear from you. We are not alone. Hearts are breaking all over this great country. My conclusion has been similar to yours - I will put my energy and passion into local issues that I can affect, and into my art. I can make a difference with myself, my children, my family and my community. That will be my saving grace. And if we each do just that,it may be the saving grace for all of us. Thank you again for your thoughts, your honesty and your courage in trying to be an authentic human being. Best - Fran

Danny, you ol' salt! Bless you for speaking what I have felt, and tried very hard to conjur up--inspiration for a leader. Still, the defeat against hope saddens. Tonight I fly from California to your hometown. I can't be happier to be spending some days in New York City--a town that had every personal reason in the world to buy Bush's "war on terror," but didn't. I'm looking forward to turning off NPR for a day or two and doing some serious drawing and walking.

I was truly sadden when I saw Bushy was getting back in office. Sad thing is look at the freakin' people who voted for him. I questioned God about why this was so and one simple answer came back: It was not for me to understand. There is a reason for all that happens. I am glad Kerry does not have to try and clean up the mess Bushy has made. I am glad he conceded wanting to unify this country. I am glad he actually gave a crap about working class people. One good thing about Bush being in office is that he can't come back again. I am boycotting him at least until the beginning of '05. You can't put your faith in man. You will always be disappointed. So, I only put my faith in God and myself.

There's no joy in Mudville. My candidate of choice didn't win, either. And although I was not disenfranchised from the literal experience of voting, I feel disenfranchised by the lack of viable choices. If I had displayed a bumper sticker it would have read NEITHER/NOR. I hate the games, the nasty tricks, the jockeying for position, the spin, the lack of critical thinking, the twisting of the truth, the reliance on cheap answers, emotional ploys, dirty money and back room conniving. I am repulsed by corruption of the political process while still in awe of the dignity and profundity of voting. I think I'll go draw something.

It's just too damn bad that the heart of John Kerry finally came out in his brilliant concession speach. I don't know if he wrote it himself, although I suspect he did, but we can be sure we won't see eloquence like that again for the next four years...

Danny:
Thank you. Your post is like a warm, soothing salve on a nasty cut.
Jerry

I'm proud to have supported John Kerry. And I'm sorry we lost, because I think he would have made a decent and thoughtful president - something we're in desperate need of.
So now we have to figure out how to go and on and live in the next four years and beyond. I'm with you guys: more drawing and making the time count.

Danny,
Thanks once again for your brutal honesty -- it was just what I needed to hear today. I've been worked up over this election for weeks and when I voted yesterday, I felt that all my choices were against something instead of for something and I felt awful. My election day drawings were of canned food and hand sanitizer -- the former we were asked to bring to the polls for the food bank and the latter was passed out to voters for flu prevention. So, no wonder the election turned out the way it did -- we live in a wealthy country where people are starving and almost everyone is afraid of something. Thanks for your inspiration. I'll just keep drawing and doing my personal best.

It has been a long time since I have been passionate about who I vote for. I like to think my choices are more than just "gut" feelings, but with all the negativity and spin and cut-throating that defines political campaigns, I do try to get a sense of the candidate's essence. I would feel a lot better if both sides would stop promising everything. I read an outstanding column about a week ago, where the writer's response to the madness at that late point was to suggest that both candidates "disappear"...quietly retreat to their homes or places of rest, and just wait it out...that all that needed to be said by then had been said, and it would be good to let people have the last few days to chew on all of it.

Our presidential elections have taken on the quality of world series or super bowl competitions. I'm not a Sox fan, so it didn't matter much to me which way that went...I'm happy for Boston, they waited so long, it was their time, good for them. But, really, in the scheme of things, so what? The day after it's decided, that's it til next year.

I live in a development of over 100 homes. At one intersection, a homeowner who lives on the corner had both sides of his property facing the street COVERED with republican signs. His neighbor, directly across on the same corner, had HIS property plastered with democratic posters. It was like a personal vendetta between those two neighbors..."my guy will beat your guy".

I'm not sure why our society has come to this. It's surely not fulfilling...it's unsettling and unnerving. Danny said it best when he admitted having given money and supporting Kerry, and now realizing he was really only going thru the motions, not FEELING it inside.

We've got to get away from reality TV and back to reality reality.

Whichever way this election went, I knew that I would support whoever won. It's what we Americans DO. I hope that all this fever has awakened people to the need to be aware of what's happening around them and get out and and make a difference (beyond voting) themselves.

Damn, politics suck.

I don't mind that Bush won; I wouldn't have minded if Kerry won, really. We're ultimately voting for two guys who are both going to make mistakes, you know? I think it comes down to ideologies and realizing that all the partisan crap and ideas just serve to fuel the division.

hey danny and Co. just popping in to say hi. and with all of this mock election mock debate mock letskilleachother stuff at our school im ready to give up on politics too!(well atleast until im 18 and can actually vote..heh..) so i hope stuff is going well for you all.

phew!

Danny. My head hurts from crying. I feel trapped. I came home and got out a piece of art that needs finishing. I did some research and found a solution to a nagging problem the piece was having. I realized that for a moment, I was truely happy, unfetered and calm. Thanks for the post!

Thank you Danny for saying eloquently what I cannot. I woke up this morning with the feeling that the flags should all be at half mast.
I still feel this way tonight. The danger now is that Bush feels he has a mandate. Now it is just for us to weather out the next 4 years and we try again -maybe Joe Biden will want to run. Or Bush will be impeached, and Dick Cheney will have to resign over the Halliburton fiasco. One can hope for something. Robin

To be pragmatic about it, if I was in the USA I'd have voted for Kerry on the 'lesser of two evils' principle. Me and the rest of the world, it would seem !
These elections have horrified me- Latino people being challenged at booths by pseudo immigration ? & all the rest of the dirty tricks to corrupt "democracy"( what a joke of a word and a system!)
If you give up on the political you are just rolling over and letting everything you hate f@#$ you over. Thats what those people who run the war machine et al want, and its a very effective strategy.
By all means draw - its fantastic ! Make art- celebrate difference, keep balanced. But don't stop challenging those gun totin' gay hatin' evango-bigots.

Hi Danny
Greets from Melbourne.
It with sadness that I woke this morning to realise that the Shrub had been re-elected.
OK, I live in Australia what difference does that make to me? Whether I like it or not the US seems to run the world or the little creatures pulling Bush's strings do and to think that the US has a majority of people who think this creep is who should run the 'world' is a scary thing.
I just realise that I am not in the majority and that when I and 500,000 other people in Melbourne marched before the war in Iraq we were the wayshowers and yes in the minority obviously (our voices were not heard by our Democratic leaders, btw what is a democracy?).
I take in Kerry's words about letting the healing begin, halla bloody lujah!
Love ya words Danny
Hugs
Lise x

Hope is a very passive thing.
You can lean back and hope.
There is nothing you have to do for hoping.

When hope has lost,
something new can be born.
Something more active.
You have the choice and the chance to Do something.

To Do Good.
To Draw.

No matter who rules America or the world.
There is always that choice inside of you.
And what a freedom that gives!
Every moment a new chance
To Do something.

what really scares me is the prospect of bush filling at least two, if not more, vacancies on the supreme court in the next four years. THAT legacy will most likely haunt the (literal) rest of my life...

Hey Danny...
I, for one, look forward to seeing you return to discussions and examples of your wonderful and inspiring artwork, not politics!! Though I am quite different from your views in that arena, I am so thankful for what I've learned and seen at your site otherwise. Looking forward to more of it.

danny
i am in a blue state... with all it's double meanings, no blarneybyte here... I am shaken at the Dems loss may always be

I am a Dem, live in a Dem state and society, why I really thought we could win has so blown me over - even though I wobble most of the time anyway. I am a fed and a person with disabilities, two weeks ago I was notified that after 26 years civil service I will be among
those fed. workers who could lose our jobs over A-76. A measure by Republicans and big business. Remaining calm but stunned and hurt. I drew to calm the stabbing at my heart. It is an abstract on my site.

I say U2's Bono should be our candidate next election.

down in the dumps, your pal -patty

rock and roll, Mr. Gregory.

rock & roll. :D

Danny,

Your post and a interview I had with LINES ballet director Alonzo King were the two best things said yesterday. And both of you agreed on the same point. As artists we have to just get back and keep creating. Simple really.

I realized that reading political blogs was just making me sadder and angrier. Your post made me forget all that for a while. I too am trying to detox for a while from the news/blogs. Neither will I put my head in the sand, but so many hours could be put toward art instead.

Pray for those whose lives are *nothing but* politics. Let's hope they don't go off the deep end.

Thanks always for your insights Danny....We in Illinois did deliver for Kerry...and with our sights on the cup half full we have Obama.
Now to find out if the Mandate Master has any concern for the close to one half that did not Vote for him. Maybe for a few weeks and then alas back to Sillyville and the Stepford community.

We need to keep drawing.....Carole JOY in Illinois

What is soo scary is the majority in both houses... I read somewhere that one of your politicians has rejoiced saying that "now we can do more exciting things".. Our prime minister the embarrassing Howard says he will not abuse the(similar)power he now has..
I don't know which is worse - someone who is truthful about the havoc that can be reeked or one who is lying.
I fear for your country and I fear more for ours. What kind of politician will it take to 'right' the wrongs of these two next governments. Certainly one that will have to lie to get there. For otherwise they will surely NOT be elected. Both the US and Australian right wing governments have been elected with an INCREASED majority. Who are these people that think so differently, where are they and what do they know that I don't..
I wasn't fearful before but now I am scared.

hi. I wasn't very excited about kerry initially, but i grew to like him. he's incredibly smart. and nader and gephardt aren't very exciting anyway. it's practically always a test between two 'evils.' clinton, too, was the better 'evil.'
any mainstream politican, is a sellout. to even get to that position of being a viable candidate (the presidential candidate for a major party) implies that you've lied and compromised and sold out. that's the nature of things.

and is this desire we have for a charismatic and charming leader healthy? why do we NEED that? are we lacking charm and charisma in our own lives? i don't know. .
anyway, thanks for the interesting thoughts on your blog. best.. LM

Politics will never cease to frustrate, no matter which side of the aisle you are on. The best, most effectual thing we can do in this world is show care and love to the people we can reach out and touch. Chain reactions can spread pretty far and just might last longer than four years.

Enjoy spending time in Scobie's head!

Don't be suckered into thinking that politics is just a game of electing folks to washington- There are tons of things to do that can make life better for all of us that don't include voting or watching Jon Stewart. Pick an issue, figure out a way to make it a little better without the support of washington and DO IT! Find the orgs, support the media, talk to your friends. Make these 4 years the most progressive and affirming in your life. It's your choice.

I love your site and your drawings and your book. However I can't agree with this post. My 2 year old son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in March 2004 and the issue of stem cell research has become very near and dear to my heart. If for no other reason I voted for Kerry on Tuesday (although there were many more reasons thanks to GW).

To say I was devestated on Wednesday morning is an understatement. But thank goodness the wonderful (and do mean WONDERFUL) people of California voted yes to Proposition 71 which will give a great deal of state funding to stem cell research.

I would like to invite Mr. Bush to spend 24 hours with us and William (whom we call "W" sometimes just to take that letter back and make it positive). Perhaps arrive at breakfast when he wakes up and wants a poptart and see if we can keep his blood glucose level from going through the roof. Or maybe George can help me out over nap time when I pretty much pace the house worried that, because William is so sensitive to insulin, maybe I gave him a hair too much and he'll go too low and have a seizure. He'll enjoy having the baby monitor turned up all the way - white noise is very soothing. Or maybe for bath time when we remove the needle that stays in William's skin 24 hours a day and is attached to his insulin pump and George can try to keep him from screaming while I pull that out - and after bath when I have to stick a new one back in. That is always fun. And then there is night time. My husband and I wouldn't know what it is like not to have to get up 3x a night to test William and make sure he isn't too high or too low. We usually test at 1, 3 and 5 a.m. so set your alarm clock George! Oh...and the fun thing is that it starts ALL OVER AGAIN the next day! Don't forget all the times William has his finger poked - about 20 times a day - to test his blood glucose level. I'm sure after a week of this it won't seem so bad to open up a few more stem cell lines to federally funded research - leftovers from fertility clinics get tossed in the trash every day.

I'd like to crawl into a hole the next four years and say to hell with politics like you want to do but for William's sake I will not. I am angry. Your life has had it's share of family hardships. Your wife is in a wheelchair and whether she could be helped by stem cell research I don't know but how can you give up? There are people depending on us to keep the faith, keep the energy and not let a defeat this year take away their hope. I won't stop fighting for William - NOTHING would make me stop. Enjoy drawing - too bad just drawing William a new pancreas won't make his diabetes go away huh?

What really disturbs me is the both Oz and the USA govts will take their increased majorities as a mandate/justification for war, and the buullying that will enshew. In NZ we have been encouraged/threatened to get a strike force rather than maintain our role as peace keepers - moping up the carnage and rebuilding.

We have women as heads of power. How long til we we see a female Australian PM or president of the USA ? Or someone of colour, for that matter ?
Interested/horrified by those electronic voting machines that don't leave a paper trail.
I too would like to forget about politics, but this stuff leaves a long shadow....