Miles ahead
May 17, 2004
I've been reading about jazz recently, specifically about Miles and his seminal album, Kind of Blue. Miles was intensely committed to what he did, brave in a way I wonder if I can ever be. He seemed to live without doubt. At one point, he and the author had an argument about what day it was. When he was shown a copy of that day's paper, proving he was wrong, he said, " See that wall of awards? I got them for having a lousy memory." He didn't dwell on the past, didn't repeat himself, did what he did and kept on forging ahead.
What keeps one so resolute? Miles was successful, rich by jazz standards, but he was derided for how he behaved. People thought him arrogant, racist, mysoginistic, and uncommunicative. He would often play with his back to the audience and never spoke on stage. I don't believe he behaved this way because he could. I think he was just being uncompromisingly himself. That was the key to his art. He was an asshole, but that was okay with Miles.
How do you learn from a person like this? How do you follow his example in order to become purely yourself? Does it mean being unresponsive to any input, being pigheaded, selfish and rude? Of course not.
Miles believed in his art. His commitment was complete and he worked enormously hard on his technique and ideas. Even if he wasn't right (and by and large he was), he could tell his inner and outer critics that he did his very best and that he had faith in that . Perhaps that's the point of one's life. To discover what one loves, to pursue it to the utmost of one's ability, and then to gauge the success of one's life by how purely one has done that, rather than by the criteria others set.
It can be a rough road. One can struggle to make a living. One can fail to get accolades or even support from others. Personally, I wouldn't be satisfied with a life that offended and alienated the rest of the world but maybe I am just a pussy. Still, I think if you can sustain Miles-like focus on your art, your chances are good. Van Gogh spent a decade drawing crap, but he kept at it, and then suddenly blossomed.
I'm sure many people will say: "Are you telling me that if I work hard enough, I will succeed? And conversely, if I don't achieve the heights, it will be due to my lack of sustained effort?" I don't know. I don't want to paint such a black and white picture. But I think focus and perseverance are critical. The thunderstruck artist, whacked by the muse, and suddenly a huge hit, is a myth. You've gotta practice and practice and practice to bore to your core. Then you've got to have the bravery to be unflinching about exposing that core. You've got to be smart, figuring out ways to share your work with different people who will give productive advice and help share your stuff with others. It helps to be lucky (whatever that means).
And I believe that a positive outlook is essential too. That takes work as well. I am often my own worst enemy, my inner critic baying at every shadow. I can wake up at 4 am and keep myself awake with horrible images of my 'inevitable' fall from grace. In my churning mind, my foolish ways destroy my family, my savings, my health, my promise. Instead of being a grownup, I am dabbling in feeble, artsy things. Unwilling to suck it up and just do my job as a man and a provider, I am indulging myself in crap like this blog.
But, when I wake up, exhausted from the assault, I try to get to work to paint a sunnier picture. The fact is, I have dealt with harder things than nightmares and nagging internal voices. And I have done that by being positive and proactive.
The future is a blank sheet. I can try to catapult shit at it but that's just making the present uglier. And a long succession of ugly todays will lead to an ugly tomorrow. On the other hand, I can impact the future by believing in myself, by working hard, by staying the course, by confirming my directions with those who have already travelled it, by purifying my expectations and intentions, by keeping my chin up.
Maybe Miles wasn't actually all that confident. Maybe that's why he put shit in his arm and up his nose, why he raged and sulked. But I know he was positive about his art. If he hadn't been, he would still have had all that doubt and stress. But he wouldn't have Blues for Pablo and Bye Bye Blackbird. And nor would we.
A record of my exploration into all aspects of drawing, illustrated journaling, creativity, and the inspiring aspects of art. By the author of "Everyday Matters," "The Creative License", and "An Illustrated Life" and other books.
Comments
My husband wooed me with Sketches of Spain, so I have a tender spot for anything Miles.
But to respond to the main theme of this thought-provoking essay, I encourage you to keep on keeping on. In truth, you really do otherwise? Once you know what steeps you in joy, could you turn away from it or relegate it to random moments, caught on the fly? You couldn't. You have pigments and passion in your marrow and, like it or not, it's going to find it's way out to your sketchbook and keyboard.
Your family is lovingly supportive - we see that in what you write and in Patty's posts, too. That is a blessing beyond measure. Tell the inner critic to hush and pass the Rapidoliner, please.
Posted by: Karen Winters | May 17, 2004 01:52 PM
Everything you said Danny, except:
I am indulging myself in crap like this blog.
This blog and your work and touching and inspiring so many of us. It's as far from crap as anything could be.
yr amiga Joy
Posted by: Joy | May 17, 2004 02:46 PM
Everything you said Danny, except:
I am indulging myself in crap like this blog.
This blog and your work and touching and inspiring so many of us. It's as far from crap as anything could be.
yr amiga Joy
Posted by: Joy | May 17, 2004 02:47 PM
I took the overall tone of your post to be more positive than negative, and the denigration of your blog to be the product of occasional doubt-filled dreams. To me, your post seems to be saying that you do indeed see value in the work you've been doing, even if, by conservative standards, your artwork doesn't always qualify as "productive". The truth is, what you've been doing has touched a lot a people. Heck, I'm in the middle of cleaning out my study and virtually all that's left is stuff to make journals with! Your art feeds your spirit. Your spirit feeds ours. Plug up your spirit, say "Bye Bye," and we, your fans, would be the ones playing the Blues.
Posted by: Dan | May 17, 2004 03:18 PM
In Zen, it is said that three things are needed to succeed.
Great Doubt
Great Faith
Great Effort
Your blog is not crap.
You are not a pussy.
Keep the faith.
Keep the effort.
Keep the doubt.
Keep on being great.
Posted by: Donavan Freberg | May 17, 2004 03:40 PM
Dear all:
Thanks so much for your support.
I'm sorry to have to explain myself - it shows that I didn't do what I set out to do - but my point was really that everyone deals with doubt but that perseverance seems to be the only proper reaction to setbacks. Miles was almost fanatically driven and expressed his demons in different ways - some self destructive ( drugs, alienation) and some positive ( the most heartbreaking sustained notes in human history). I don;t dabble in either ( though my Fender is kicking out some lovely feedback these days) and so like to give myself these public 'buck up and stay the course, buttwipe" speeches now and then.
I'm glad this blog is a help to people but its also a place for me to pour out half formed thoughts and dredge them out of my system.
How do you cope with setbacks? And who do you turn to for succor and good advice? I'd love to know.
Your pal,
Danny
Posted by: Danny | May 17, 2004 03:41 PM
From reading this post, it seems you already know how to deal with setbacks. You've had plenty in your life already. You know they're a predictable part of trying to achieve difficult goals. Whenever I get a major setback, I think, what should I do now to turn my situation into a positive? Creativity, self-confidence, optimism...these help me respond to adversity. You have all that within you, too.
Re: your blog. Obviously we get a lot out of it, but that's not a good enough reason to stick with it. For a creative person like you, it can be the equivalent of a journal, where you warm up, work out, try things and get feedback. Have you sensed these benefits so far?
Posted by: Denny | May 17, 2004 04:14 PM
Purely selfish comment here...
This entry really spoke to me personally. I am on a difficult path right now and have somehow lost my way a bit. I have been out of my routine (which is generally a good thing) but it's made me lose perspective and some of the bravery I had a month ago. I will take your advice and just push on and through this.
Thank you, Danny.
-p
Posted by: penelope | May 17, 2004 05:20 PM
How to deal with setbacks. Hmm.
Seeing the humor in the situation (if there is any) helps. Also I am fortunate to be of an age that I can conveniently 'forget' setbacks and chalk it up to a crappy memory. It is a blessing of middle age. If I screw up today I probably won't remember it by next week.
For succor and good advice - I turn to my family, friends and dear ones. They know me best and can usually smack some sense into my head when I get off course. Other wise ones include Alan Watts, Chogyam Trungpa, Shonryu Suzuki, Ken Wilber, Walsh and Vaughan, Joseph Goldstein, Daniel Goleman and the original, a cat called Siddhartha.
The best counselor of all is the clock: with or without my cooperation the hands keep moving. We're all on borrowed time; gotta make the most of it.
Posted by: Karen Winters | May 17, 2004 05:31 PM
I concur with Karen.
Humor is essential, if it will be funny later why not laugh now?
And it is indeed important to find support in trusted friends.
Wise ones like Suzuki, Alan Watts, Ken Wilber, Byron Katie, Pema Chodron, Chogyam Trungpa...always good places to look when in the dark. Buddha of course had most of the real gems. Most of the above thinkers are simply clear reflections of his light.
I also really love the Bhagavad Gita and the Tao Te Ching.
These two books provide really good questions, which often lead the way to the answers...
Childrens books are good too...Seuss, Silverstein, etc...
And then there is always Rilke...
"You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can, dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. Perhaps you do carry within yourself the possibility of shaping and forming as a particularly happy and pure way of living: train yourself to it --but take whatever comes with great trust, and if only it comes out of your own will, out of some need of your inmost being, take it upon yourself and hate nothing."
--Ranier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
Hope my rants shed some light, I know your blog may be "just" a place for you to spill, but it has provided me (and many others) with much to think on.
Thanks for being brave and sharing your works in progress.
Half formed thoughts often shine the brightest.
Keep on swimming.
Posted by: Donavan Freberg | May 17, 2004 07:59 PM
Description of Miles makes me think of Bob Dylan, who has carved his own path in a major way. He's probably pissed off every fan he's ever had at one time or another, but we all keep coming back for more. He's staying true to his own personal artistic vision (an inspiringly brave thing to do); he chooses to let his art be the result of that vision rather than explaining the vision. He's not exactly letting you in on it. You get to have a beautiful, heartbreaking, shimmering piece of it for yourself, though. And that's a wonderful feeling.
I guess my point is that every idea, every creative venture will seem stupid to someone. What's important is that it is true -- honest and vulnerable and difficult -- that you believe in it, that it brings you satisfaction, that it brings you joy.
Posted by: Jessica | May 18, 2004 01:45 AM
perseverance - no problem but bravery! after years of stashing my drawings, drawings and more drawings in sacred journals and receptacles - I attempt a small step toward exhibitionism.
the web is great - attempting to deceive myself, I get to hide in the closet as I slowly show one drawing at a time under the pretense of a web site. Maybe, just maybe no one is looking.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"I'm afraid there's no denyin'
I'm just a dandylion
A fate I don't deserve.
But I could show my prowess,
Be a lion not a mowess
If I only had the nerve."
Lyric "If I Were the King of the Forest" sung by the Cowardly Lion and me.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
You're an inspiration!
Posted by: Susan | May 24, 2004 06:37 PM